Why is it life always find a way to throw you for a loop? It seems when you finally have figure out things here comes another problem. Problem after problem hill after hill to constantly climb to reach the top. The emotion and physical roller coaster is draining the very life from you. Will the sorrow and the pain ever end? Can I live a happy ever after life like the characters on TV or is it just the way my life is setup?
Life is full of lessons to be learn. We can only take it one day at a time. Today maybe good day and tomorrow could be horrible, the one thing for certain is everyday is a new day with endless possibilities. All we can do is accept the things we can change and let go of the things we can not change.
I am a walking emotion wreck but its my life. I can control my feelings, and some times I can control my emotions. I can’t control the pain ,but I can fight like hell so it won’t take over my life.
Life has been a roller coaster for the last two and a half years of my life. There is a saying be careful what you ask for you just may get it. I use to wonder what people meant by they had to reconstruct their life after getting sick. I have experienced first hand what its like to have your life changed in a blink of mine eye. Since March of 2016 my life has changed so dramatically I haven’t been able to keep up with it myself. I used to think the light was going to be shining and the end of this dark tunnel was approaching. To my surprise life had another alternative plan for me. I am trying to adjust to the change and accept the new issues that have arisen.
As I look back on my life thus far, it has been a journey for me. Felt I was accomplishing my goals but, now I see this wasn’t the intended plan for me. Of course, I don’t regret anything I have done thus far it is a learning curve for me. Through the years I was able to obtain three college degrees and was able to start working in my desired career paths. We raised four children, made sure they finished school and chosen the path they wanted to pursue. I am very proud of what we had accomplished thus far. We still have two children left to raise. One will be 18 next year and our baby girl have seven more years before she is ready to be a young lady.
During the last two years, I’ve learned my education and experiences has no bearing right now in my life. I had to come up with a new plan of action which would’ve never cross my mind. Every day is faced with new obstacles, challenges, and defeat, but through it, all I can do is fight to the best of my ability. Now I understand you have to create your own light. Faith and hope are the two things I really can rely on to see me through this journey. My light is shining around me in this tunnel I just had to open my mind and eyes to see it.
I let pain control my life for the last two and a half years. I am so done with nerve damage, Fibromyalgia, and chronic pain. Not to mention the other mental health problems you begin to develop over time. I am done with my red seat walker, my blue speed cane, and finally my trusty AFO leg piece. It has been a long journey for us throughout the years. You all have been there for me when I needed you all the most. I am sorry. I have never been the type of person to overstay my welcome. I don’t want to continue this relationship any longer. I believe it is time for us to go our separate ways. I don’t want to sound like I am picking between the three of you, but I still need one of you to help me a little while longer, please. I will discuss this matter with the one I need.
Now I have other matters to deal with. Pain, when are you leaving you, have overstayed your welcome to the point I can’t stand you. You have caused me so much grief in past and yet you have not let up your pressure. You have taken away my freedom, my security, my self-confidence, and my self-esteem. I can’t believe I allow you to belittle me the way you have. You are my weakness. The relationship has been very abusive and mentally draining. You made sure I was aware you were around every single moment of the day and night. You are very jealous of me being happy and productive. To top things off you had invited over friends to help make me miserable.
I have given you too much of my precious time. Now it is time for you to go find another hobby to focus all your time and energy on. Right now, I want you to take your friends and leave me alone. There is no room for negotiations just get your bags and start stepping out the door. Please, no need to look back to see if I am looking, because I already started a departure party on your behalf.