Tag: Feelings

My trial experince….

I agreed to try the spinal cord stimulator trial for seven days. The day of the procedure wasn’t as bad. I had to be awake for the surgery. The surgery took place in the provider’s office. As usual, I felt fine until I went to the back. My anxiety was off the chain. I had second thoughts. I was trying to find any reason to get up and leave. My husband came with me for support. The nurse came and explained some things about the procedure. Another nurse came in and asked my husband to wait outside until the surgery was complete. Once he left I, asked the nurse who was setting up to insert an IV. I asked her if she was a good poker? They are only allowed to stick me twice. She assured me she was the best. Guess what she poked me, and she blew the vein. Seeing I was serious, she got two other nurses. The first thing they ask. Where is your husband? They went and got him and told him to stay with me until they moved me to the surgery room.
The next day the medicine wore off. My back was sore and stiff. At first, it felt like a monkey was on my back. I was able to change the stimulator via remote. They called every day to see if the stimulator was working. The only issue I had was the tape was pulling the wires and my skin every time I moved. For the most part, the trial was a success. Hopefully, they will come up with a better way to secure the wires during the trial.

New and Improve

2020 is the year when everything changed for me. The things I was used to doing no longer interest me. I started working on projects that I would’ve never done. I had a lot of alone time to focus on myself. I begin to invest in things that would benefit myself and my family. I learn how to sew. It became a hobby sewing random things. I started out making face masks with filters, satin pillowcases, and hair wraps. There were a lot of damaged materials and designs that went into the trash. However, the more I practice, the more proficient I became. I have watched so many youtube videos I could have made one myself.

I started challenging myself with complicated projects. Whenever I was in a dark place mentally, I would start sewing something. Eventually had to step away and find something else to do with my time.
When 2021 came in, I started to wonder. Why are we spending so much money on things that do not fully represent our personality? My creative mind came into play. I had this idea but hesitated to spend the money on it. After a month of procrastinating, I purchase the required materials needed. I started to make paper flowers and design vases. I do not care for flowers. They draw bugs and do not last more than a few days to a week. They pretty and expensive, but do not last long. So I felt why not create something that is inexpensive and will last long.
I do not celebrate holidays. I had to think of a reason for giving flowers as a gift. We all heard the saying, ” Give me flowers while I am living, not when I am dead.” It became my mission to give my closest friends and family their flowers now. I learned I am not consistent with designs, but it just means each design is unique.
I ended up making my first sale. My friend asked me to make one for her mother. It was my pleasure to create something that was from the heart.


I like to start a small business making arts and crafts.
2020-2021 has brought out some hidden talents. It has taught me a few techniques to deal with my anxiety and stress. This world has become more stressful than most people can handle. I learned if you have faith, you can overcome anything this world throws at you.
Wake up every day with a smile on your face. Thank God and be happy. Let the stress of the world stay in the world.

Selfless/Careless

Well, here we are two weeks, left in this year. As of today, the United States lost 309,859 lives to a hidden killer. This killer is relentless, blind, and deaf.

 Coronavirus has no filter or preference.

She shows up like a thief in the night. She leaves a trail of lives behind.

She tackles you like a defensive football player.

She is unpredictable.

They say one way to protect yourself from her is wearing a mask, social distancing, and hand washing.

I ask how can we protect ourselves from others when people refuse to acknowledge COVID-19 exist?

I wear two masks, one to protect you from me and another to protect me from you.

I stand 8 feet back to protect the space between us.

I wear gloves and use hand sanitizer to kill the germs before it attacks you.

I stay away from people to keep my germs from harming anyone else.

You refuse to wear a mask.

You do not respect the social distance rule.

You do not hesitate to spread your germs around.

I think about you, but you could care less about me.

Why can’t we meet halfway to protect each other?

©Painbug 2020

Things I thought about in 2020

It feels like the exciting side of me has left.
Why?
It feels like I am in this world alone at times.
Why?
I feel like I am an outcast no-one likes me, loves me, or cares about me.
Why?
Why is this world so dark?
I have more questions than answers.
2020 has triggered a lot of emotional, physical, and mental challenges for everyone.
For the first time, people had to face these things head-on and alone.
We had to adjust to a new living style for the safety of ourselves and others.
For the first time, we not only responsible for ourselves but others as well.
For the first time, you have to think for yourself.
Some questions only you can answer.
There are services out there that can help you answer your questions. However, will you be willing to accept the advice?
©Painbug 2020

You are my……

I depend on you

You are my rock.

You are my guiding light when my world is dark.

You are my warmth when it is cold.

You are the voice I hear when I am making decisions.

When I am lost, you are the one who finds me.

When I am scare, you are the one who comforts me.

         Isiah 41:10

You are my heavenly father who gave his only beloved precious son, to give a sinner like me a chance at life, peace, and happiness in your kingdom.

       Matthew 6:10

©Painbug 2020

Strength‼‼‼‼‼©

Strength comes from someone invisible.

Strength comes from other people.

Strength comes from deep within yourself.

This incredible strength comes from God.

Strength is when you are at peace with Jehovah, yourself, and others.

Strength comes from acknowledging and accepting the wrong you have done to yourself and others.

Strength comes from forgiving and loving the people who have done you wrong.

Strength comes from loving people who hate you.

Strength is taking someone’s hurtful words and turning them into ashes.

Strength comes from dealing with pain and mental health issues that want to break you, but you don’t allow it.

Strength is fighting head-on with or without assistance.

Strength is knowing regardless of what this world throws at you:

You are loved.

You are kind.

You are smart.

You are beautiful/handsome.

You are wonderful

You are a child of God!!!!

Strength comes from Perseverance.

Always remember your strength comes from God. Anytime you start to feel like you don’t have the strength; All you need to do is just pray and leave it in God’s hands. ©Painbug 2020

Self- Love💕😘💖

Self-love is a feeling only the individual can experience.

Can you Image you have a bag full of coins? This bag consists of dimes, nickels, quarters, pennies, and dollar coins. The bag is full of change. However, you notice there are only a few dollar coins in this bag.  You start feeling a little disappointed. You begin to ask yourself, what can I do to obtain more dollar coins?

After a couple of days pass, you start to appreciate the coins you have collected. It doesn’t matter if you have a few dollar coins or a lot. What matters is any change you have collected thus far is valuable money.

Top 10 Coins Worth Collecting - Investment List

Self-love is like coins. You have one quality you focus on the most. One day something happens, and you must change your focus and appreciate everything about yourself. You begin to love yourself. Everything from the good, bad, and ugly makeup who you are now.

Self-love is when you can guard your heart against harsh words and feeling from others.

Self-love is being humble while forgiving and loving your enemy.

Self-love is being at peace with God, yourself, and others.

Self-love is demanding respect while providing the highest level of respect for others.

Self-love is your calm in the storm.

Self-love is being able to put your faith in God when others are determined to be bitter toward you.

Without Self-love, you become lost to the world around you.

We all need to learn how to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else.

I thank God for the life lessons we have to endure.

I will always love him first and foremost.

©Painbug 2020

7-year-old Uzbekistan boy cured of heart ailment at Delhi-based hospital
Photo credit: DNA India