Feeling sorry – My marriage to pain

I was so precious. I was unique and beautiful. I was innocent and pure. I was gullible and vulnerable. I was violated.

I was a child.

I was so alone. I was so confused and lost. I was scared.

I was robbed of my childhood.

You berated and belittle me constantly. You beat me and you neglected me. You abandoned me and left me to defend myself.

Most of all you hated me.

I looked to you for protection. I looked to you for help. I looked for you to save me.

I look for you to love me.

You gave me away like a piece of candy. You threw me to the wolves. You made me disappear. You remove the thought of me from your memory.

You killed me.

The new me surfaced and the old me was me cremated. The new me started achieving everything the old me was denied. The new me is stronger and tougher. The new me is bold and fierce. The new me is a warrior. The new me doesn’t look or yearn for you anymore. The new me shields my heart from you.

The new me forgives you for all the wrong you have done to me.

As I write this, I shed tears down my face. I cried not because of the pain, sorrow, shame, or the feeling of being let down by you.

I shed tears because I am happy.

Jehovah has blessed me with love and life 1 John 4:19. He shields me with faith, hope, and love. He feeds my soul Matthew 5:3

©Pain Bug 2020

Self-pity is a mental struggle. It can be overwhelming to deal with. It’s a feeling you can’t control when it strikes. The flood gates of feelings rush in like an ocean of water during a hurricane. The aim is to destroy everything in its path.
It took a few years for me to realize I was exercising my right to indulge in the self-pity world. One day I realize what was going on in the middle of an episode. Then, I started to ask why I’m punishing myself like this? It was time for a meeting with myself. This conversion was really deep. I started wondering if there was something mentally wrong with me?
Started wondering about the physical and mental pain I was dealing with. I am not the person I use to be before this injury. My life has been dismantled before my eyes. I suffer pain and anxiety attacks daily. Now I suffer from other health issues.
On the other hand, as I started to analyze my situation. Yes, we are broken physically and mentally. Yes, the caliber of my life has changed. Yes, we are miserable at times. Yes, this pain and other health problems are a real pain in the rear to deal with. I asked myself, do I allow this to define who I am or do I want to live life the best way I can?
Whenever self-pity tries to show its ugly head; I quickly shut it down.

Tag: Feeling sorry

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Emotional feeling of “Self-Pity”