Life…….

This thing call life what is it?

We have up and downs all the time. I have been through so much in this last two weeks I wondered how did I survive it.  No matter what age you are life will test you. I went from losing a relationship with my son to losing a sister in law and wanting to kill my husband all on the same night. I felt so weak and in so much pain mentally and physically that I couldn’t think straight at all.  It was like my world was crashing and there was nothing I could do but sit and watch. My drama last over the weekend and stuff got real on that Monday. I still didn’t have time to think because I had to be a wife and a sister in law. The stuff with my son was put on hold and the beef with husband was put on ice. I was so grateful for my neighbor she stepped up to volunteer and keep my daughter while we had to leave the state. She wanted to make sure my daughter wouldn’t miss school. I didn’t think about my daughter missing school.

While dealing with my brother in law the drama started the moment we stepped into his house. I have never come across so many fake money hungry property thieving people.  I drove nine hours straight to arrive 12:30 am at a house we always stayed. We were told by people we never met that we would have to stay at a hotel. Are you kidding me we are out in the country land where the nearest hotel is a roach motel 30 minutes drive away.  By the time we check into the hotel and lay our heads down, it was almost 2 am. The service was the next day at 10:00 am.

Living everyday with chronic pain

This is my first time so please bear with me.  Here is my story the short version. I was born with a fatty tumor in my lower back. It looked like I had a little monkey tail. When I was two years old they surgical cut it down.  The site was an ugly puff scar. Somehow I remember them performing the surgery and seeing them cutting the tumor. I don’t recall having any problems as I was growing up. Fast forward thirty plus years. Not willing to reveal my age just yet.  The last 10 years has been nothing but problems with my lower back. One day I experience being paralyzed from the waist down only last a couple of hours. We went to several doctors and to no avail. Finally, a chiropractor decided to do an MRI and discover the tumor was back, but it was benign.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as the cause of all my pain. Due to all the medication, I was taking the excessive weight gain helped play a part in my pain.

The last decade has been very painfully for me. Recently I started experiencing new symptoms. In 2014, things started getting weird for me. I would get out the bed and just fall to the floor. As soon as I would take the first step off of the bed it was like my foot would never touch the ground.  My husband thought I was falling on purpose. One day my right leg was hurt really bad and couldn’t move. The next time I was getting up from the couch and just fell back. This happened more frequently on daily basis. I started wetting myself numerous times during the day.

I was diagnosed with having a tumor attached to my spinal cord. The tumor was pulling my spinal cord down to my tailbone.  My symptoms were getting worse. I needed to have surgery. A detethering of the spinal cord would release the tumor.   I had surgery with an outcome of partially paralyzed on the lower left leg. I have full control of three toes. The rest of my foot I am not able to feel. The knee can’t tell when it’s getting weak and there is no feeling between the knee and ankle. I  am a major fall risk. My ankles hurt all the time. I am having a difficult time with keeping a job. Some days the pain is bad I just want to sleep all day. There are days I just sleep in.

Now I am learning the weather plays a key role in my pain. I have been told there is no medication they can prescribe to me. I don’t sleep well at night. My bedtime is normally around 3 am. I haven’t  mentioned, I have to take muscle relaxers to go to sleep every night.