Isolation – My marriage to pain

My mind is racing

My mine is racing I need it to take a pause. There not enough hours in the day to complete the things I want to do. I have neglect my writing. It has been replace with arts and craft. I learned how to do so much. My mind is at peace when I am doing crafting. I am thinking about starting to sell what I make. It seems the outside world has gone crazy. It’s hard to stay safe out here. The best think for me to do is stay to myself.

My showcase

New and Improve

2020 is the year when everything changed for me. The things I was used to doing no longer interest me. I started working on projects that I would’ve never done. I had a lot of alone time to focus on myself. I begin to invest in things that would benefit myself and my family. I learn how to sew. It became a hobby sewing random things. I started out making face masks with filters, satin pillowcases, and hair wraps. There were a lot of damaged materials and designs that went into the trash. However, the more I practice, the more proficient I became. I have watched so many youtube videos I could have made one myself.

I started challenging myself with complicated projects. Whenever I was in a dark place mentally, I would start sewing something. Eventually had to step away and find something else to do with my time.
When 2021 came in, I started to wonder. Why are we spending so much money on things that do not fully represent our personality? My creative mind came into play. I had this idea but hesitated to spend the money on it. After a month of procrastinating, I purchase the required materials needed. I started to make paper flowers and design vases. I do not care for flowers. They draw bugs and do not last more than a few days to a week. They pretty and expensive, but do not last long. So I felt why not create something that is inexpensive and will last long.
I do not celebrate holidays. I had to think of a reason for giving flowers as a gift. We all heard the saying, ” Give me flowers while I am living, not when I am dead.” It became my mission to give my closest friends and family their flowers now. I learned I am not consistent with designs, but it just means each design is unique.
I ended up making my first sale. My friend asked me to make one for her mother. It was my pleasure to create something that was from the heart.

I like to start a small business making arts and crafts.
2020-2021 has brought out some hidden talents. It has taught me a few techniques to deal with my anxiety and stress. This world has become more stressful than most people can handle. I learned if you have faith, you can overcome anything this world throws at you.
Wake up every day with a smile on your face. Thank God and be happy. Let the stress of the world stay in the world.

My Friday….

My Friday was like every other day the last six weeks. What can I do today? I recently started some new projects to occupy my mind during the day. I went back to making crafts. I really enjoy arts and Crafts when I was younger. Life has a way of taking your attention off of things you liked. Since 2020, I have been tuning into a part of me which was buried. I have reunited with one of my old personalities. She has been quietly tuck away in the back. She resurfaced when life slowed me down. I always knew there were different personalities being displayed in different periods of my life.

This person is more lay back, loving, eager, spiritual, and just don’t care about what people think or have to say about her. I guess she shields me from this world and its craziness. She also rely on God and his son the Christ Jesus for spiritual love and hope.

She doesn’t mind being in her own world, because it’s quite and peaceful. She is the peace maker between us. She is very slow to anger and quick to act. She believes actions speak louder than words. She accepts things for what they really are, and learns how to maneuver around them. She also believes we all need to enjoy the little things in life.

©Painbug 2021

Fight song

You came like a thief in the night. In a blink of an eye, you stole all my possessions, my fight, my strength, and my control. You left me with sorrow, stress, pain, low self-esteem, and self-pity. When the clouds dissipated the next day, I heard a voice it said to me: smile, shout, and rejoice for what has been stolen will be replaced ten times over. You are never alone if you walk with me.

Shake off that old skin and show them how relentless you are. Show them through your actions; your spirit will not be broken, no matter how hard they try.

©Painbug 2021

My journey

2020 stop me in my tracks. The things I am used to are no longer available. Like all the other businesses, my business journey was cut short. It was a two-year-long process that ended In a few short days. It was a sad moment, but then the sun came out. I had to pivot my thoughts. The main thing about an entrepreneur’s mind is always thinking. When one door closes, we start working on two more doors.

In 2019, I leaped into something new to me, so I thought. In 2020 I was able to focus more time on this project. By late 2020, I completed the PMP and CAPM courses. I am gearing up to take the PMI’s certification exams for both professions. In 2020, I learned how to sew. Not only did I want to learn how to sew, but I wanted to master sewing. My first project was learning how to sew face masks. Well, my face mask comes with build-in filters, nose wire, and four layers of cloth. The face mask can adjust to different face sizes. Then started making king-size silk pillows case.

The year 2021, has arrived and I have another challenge to face. The surgery left me with one good working arm. My right arm is incapacitated; for at least six weeks. How in the world would I survive this? As usual, my mind is always thinking. I decided to try this idea and make homemade flower vases. However, these vases are not just any flowers. These vases are full of unique colors, arrange paper flowers.

Even though I have limitations my minds still try to work.

The year is just getting started lets see what I will try next.

©Painbug 2021

Pain Part 2

Where is the boundary line in this relationship? I gave you my all, in-return you gave me discouragement, sadness, and loneliness. My nights are long and sleepless. My days are dysfunctional and filled with worry. Some days I feel like a visitor in my own body. I began to daydream about the time when this body will not suffer from pain anymore. In this timeframe, I will be divorce from you. You will no longer have control over my body. My days and nights will be full of joy. In this new timeframe, pain and sickness will be no more. Pain, you may have won this battle in this time frame, but God has promised a better life in his Kingdom. Pain listen to me, very clearly Your time is limited! For now, I will rely on my faith to help me endure these trials. ©Painbug 2021

Year 2021 Part 1

It’s a new year with the same old problems from 2020.
People couldn’t wait for the year 2021 to come around. What changes have we seen thus far?
Covid-19 has improved her game and started producing different variants of the virus. The deaths are over 500,000 in the United States alone. We still have high positive cases and deaths.
We have more political drama going on in this country. It is still unreliable and confusing misinformation share by our government officials.
In the first week of January 2021, the country experienced an event we have never seen before.
People are starting to rebel against the government and its preventive measurements. They feel you are intruding on their rights.
Instead of wearing one mask, they ask us to wear two for better protection.
There are vaccines available, but the demand is higher than the supply available. They have begun to lower the age requirements for the vaccines.
Now we are on the verge of another COVID-19 wave across the country.
Will we ever get over this virus?

©Painbug 2021

Pain… Part 1

I can’t shake this pain inside of me.
It follows me all the time.
This pain has consumed my happiness, my joy, and my life.
This pain forced me into an unwilling, one-sided marriage.
Now I am in a space where it’s just pain and I.
My entire world has been fill with pain.

What can I do to escape this miserable life?

©Painbug 2021

Someday!!!

Someday we’ll see our loved ones who passed away again.

Someday all sickness, pain, and sorrow will be gone.

Someday war will be no more.

Someday we will smile, laugh, and have happiness again.

Someday we will be surrounded with love, joy, and peacefulness.

Someday we will have a blessed and rich life.

Someday only Jehovah’s will for the earth will be done.

Only God’s kingdom will rule on earth.

I look forward to someday living in paradise on earth forever.

Matthew 6:9-13