Isolation – My marriage to pain

June 3, 2020

People are racially divided. Today I was at Costco, and another person went out of her way to talk to me. She saw me walking in the parking lot, and started talking to me. I am a friendly person, so I didn’t mind talking to her. I just happen to look behind me, and a mother and son were walking up. The lady had the nerve to roll her eyes at me and mumble something her son. All I could do was a laugh to myself. I am an individual who thinks for herself. I am a leader, not a follower. I can care less about what other people around me are doing. If you feel some kind of way that’s tough.

I chose to be humble about the situations. The lack of communication from me doesn’t mean I am blind to the issues. I had to endure it since I was born. I want to continue to be the person Jehovah Created to me to be.

©Pain Bug 2020

2020…. Part 2

We are only halfway through the year 2020.
In the last five months, it seems like an entire year has passed by.
To date, 2020 included events such as fires, floods, earthquakes, mass shootings, massive deaths and, a major pandemic.

In 2020 we have lost more lives then the world trade center attacks, the mass shootings, hurricanes, and tornadoes.

Home of Diversity | Jolie photo, Histoire d'amérique, Photos ... — Pinterest.dk

Public Mass-shooting Risk | IHS Markit — IHS Markit

2020 is the year when technology was the only resource available to communicate with the world.

2020 is the year we seen politics true colors.

Politics Clipart - Political Politics , Transparent Cartoon, Free ... — Photo by NetClipart

2020 is the year the President of the United States told us to ingest cleaning solutions to cure the COVID-19 virus(“He said he was being Sarcastic toward the media”).

2020 is the year the United States was represented by COVID-19 case colors on a map.

2020 is the year people started drawing closer, to Jehovah our GOD.

2020 is the year more people will rely on their faith to cope through this pandemic.

2020 is the year when I started using my common sense and started following my heart.

Title-less…

I was so precious. I was unique and beautiful. I was innocent and pure. I was gullible and vulnerable. I was violated.

I was a child.

I was so alone. I was so confused and lost. I was scared.

I was robbed of my childhood.

You berated and belittle me constantly. You beat me and you neglected me. You abandoned me and left me to defend myself.

Most of all you hated me.

I looked to you for protection. I looked to you for help. I looked for you to save me.

I look for you to love me.

You gave me away like a piece of candy. You threw me to the wolves. You made me disappear. You remove the thought of me from your memory.

You killed me.

The new me surfaced and the old me was me cremated. The new me started achieving everything the old me was denied. The new me is stronger and tougher. The new me is bold and fierce. The new me is a warrior. The new me doesn’t look or yearn for you anymore. The new me shields my heart from you.

The new me forgives you for all the wrong you have done to me.

As I write this, I shed tears down my face. I cried not because of the pain, sorrow, shame, or the feeling of being let down by you.

I shed tears because I am happy.

Jehovah has blessed me with love and life 1 John 4:19. He shields me with faith, hope, and love. He feeds my soul Matthew 5:3

©Pain Bug 2020

2020…. Part 1

2020 Represents plenty of drama, pain, sorrow, anger, misery, grief, and joy.

2020 The year the earth stood still.

Weighing Life on Earth | Spiral Inquiry — Image credit: Spiral Inquiry

2020 Has affected everyone mentally and physically.

Mental Health Awareness Week 2020 – National Awareness Days Events ... — Image credit: Awareness Days

2020 Will go down in history as the year we wished never happened.

2020 A YEAR WE'LL NEVER FORGET! - Meme Generator — Image credit: Meme Generator

2020 Is the year we will talk about for decades to come.

Senior quotes | Etsy — Photo credit: Etsy.com

The class of 2020 had to endure the pain of being robbed of their spotlight to shine on the stage.
Our children had to face the realization of not being able to have physical contact with friends or family outside the home.

We became prisoners in our homes in 2020.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Why some Japanese pensioners want to go to jail - BBC News — Credit: BBC.com

The city that never sleeps (NYC) finally went to sleep.
Only stray animals and rats walk the streets.
For the first time, the streets are deserted and full for dullness.

The Big Apple - Songs of New York Spotify Playlist — Credit: Playlists.net

The Sunshine State (Florida) beaches have been jilted.
The white sand beaches are lonely, and the waves are silent. The sun rises and shine on emptiness.

THREE OF FLORIDA'S TOP TOURIST ATTRACTIONS - Retail Solutions Advisors — Credit: Diane Capri

So much has happened in a short span of time we are still trying to wrap our heads around it.

2020 is the year we found out how truly divided we are.

2020 is the year we faced a pandemic like no other.

©Pain Bug 2020

What is Love?

A person may think love is a feeling. Love is an emotion that will resonate within people’s hearts. The feeling of being in love will have you doing things never image. As humans, we think we know what love is. We blame love for everything that goes wrong in relationships. We blame love for fighting, bad relationships, or for the crazy things we do in general. We feel once we fall in love it’s hard to let go.

In the present time, we need to love more now than ever. People are losing their family members left and right at an alarmingly rapid rate. We are not allowed to be with them as they take their last breath, nor can we tell them how much we loved them. We are not able to see the people, we can’t touch them, and we can’t show them any love.

We are now relying more on our faith to get us through this rough time.

Through our faith we are starting to learn what the true meaning of love is.

The first love we experienced was from Jehovah 1 John 4:19.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes for all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

God has blessed us with life. He created each one of us differently. He has created our beautiful souls after his own heart. He showers us with so much love. It took a pandemic for me to realize this beautiful love Jehovah our GOD has blessed us with.

©Pain Bug 2020

Family……👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

Family, what does this word mean? Everyone has family issues. Everyone has relatives who are close, distant, and fake. We toss the word “Family” around very loosely. Sometimes people who aren’t blood-related become family.

HE'S MINE (doki doki family friendly literature club) //animation ...

The family visits are more than occasional BBQ get together. Family is more than a once a year visit from them. It is more than coming together when a family member passed away. Family is more than individuals who want to be bothered only when it is convenient for them. Family is more than making a call or text message because someone else has instructed them to do so. Family is more than the judgmental voice in your ear when times are bad. It is much more than being jealous of a person’s status. A family should not make you feel worthless, isolated, or abandon.

When depression is a family affair | WorkingNation — Families shouldn’t be selfish, non-supportive, or condescending to each other.
The family should always stick together. Your family should lift you when you are feeling down. Family is supposed to provide support mentally. When you are in trouble: family should come together and help you get through the rough time.

Family Guy’s Fight Night

Occasionally, we need a family fight!!!!!

Families are dysfunctional, crazy, supportive, loving and caring.

Living everyday with chronic pain

This is my first time so please bear with me. Here is my story the short version. I was born with a fatty tumor in my lower back. It looked like I had a little monkey tail. When I was two years old they surgical cut it down. The site was an ugly puff scar. Somehow I remember them performing the surgery and seeing them cutting the tumor. I don’t recall having any problems as I was growing up. Fast forward thirty plus years. Not willing to reveal my age just yet. The last 10 years has been nothing but problems with my lower back. One day I experience being paralyzed from the waist down only last a couple of hours. We went to several doctors and to no avail. Finally, a chiropractor decided to do an MRI and discover the tumor was back, but it was benign. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as the cause of all my pain. Due to all the medication, I was taking the excessive weight gain helped play a part in my pain.

The last decade has been very painfully for me. Recently I started experiencing new symptoms. In 2014, things started getting weird for me. I would get out the bed and just fall to the floor. As soon as I would take the first step off of the bed it was like my foot would never touch the ground. My husband thought I was falling on purpose. One day my right leg was hurt really bad and couldn’t move. The next time I was getting up from the couch and just fell back. This happened more frequently on daily basis. I started wetting myself numerous times during the day.

I was diagnosed with having a tumor attached to my spinal cord. The tumor was pulling my spinal cord down to my tailbone. My symptoms were getting worse. I needed to have surgery. A detethering of the spinal cord would release the tumor. I had surgery with an outcome of partially paralyzed on the lower left leg. I have full control of three toes. The rest of my foot I am not able to feel. The knee can’t tell when it’s getting weak and there is no feeling between the knee and ankle. I am a major fall risk. My ankles hurt all the time. I am having a difficult time with keeping a job. Some days the pain is bad I just want to sleep all day. There are days I just sleep in.

Now I am learning the weather plays a key role in my pain. I have been told there is no medication they can prescribe to me. I don’t sleep well at night. My bedtime is normally around 3 am. I haven’t mentioned, I have to take muscle relaxers to go to sleep every night.

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: