Hope

I always had high hopes for my life. Regardless, of what other people thought.

I couldn’t CONFORM to what other people wanted me to do.

God made me unique and special with all my imperfections.

I am a strong, open-minded, opinionated, confident, independent woman.

I am comfortable In my skin.

I do have bad moments, days, and months.

It’s just different shades of me.

I love all of me the good, the bad, and the nasty.

We all have different shades of ourselves, whether we acknowledge it or not.

All I can do is be me.

“Shout out to the old me, and everything you showed me. Glad you didn’t listen when the world was trying to slow me. No one could control me. I had to mess it up before I really got to know me(5 seconds of Summer)”.

©Pain Bug 2020

Violence…..

There are so much noise and pain in the world today. The beast call Violence tends to show out at night.

During the night, it causes chaos and destruction while roaming the streets.

It sleeps during the morning and plans during the afternoon.

Violence touches people at different stages while in the mental anger state.

Once it gets a hold of you, it’s hard to snap out of the fog.

Violence is always a half step behind you, just waiting to step in.

You have to guard your mind, eyes, and heart against the evil waiting to swallow you.

Sometimes you need to wear earplugs and shades. 

To stop the noise and sights that are display for your reaction.

Remember, we all were born with common sense.

Think before you speak and act out. Violence is always watching.

©Pain Bug 2020

June 3, 2020

People are racially divided. Today I was at Costco, and another person went out of her way to talk to me. She saw me walking in the parking lot, and started talking to me. I am a friendly person, so I didn’t mind talking to her. I just happen to look behind me, and a mother and son were walking up. The lady had the nerve to roll her eyes at me and mumble something her son. All I could do was a laugh to myself. I am an individual who thinks for herself. I am a leader, not a follower. I can care less about what other people around me are doing. If you feel some kind of way that’s tough.

I chose to be humble about the situations. The lack of communication from me doesn’t mean I am blind to the issues. I had to endure it since I was born. I want to continue to be the person Jehovah Created to me to be.

Photo by Inna Lesyk on Pexels.com
Peaceful View in Puerto Rico

©Pain Bug 2020

June 1, 2020

Today, while I was shopping at Costco warehouse. An older woman approached me and said the following “I just wanted you to know that your life matters. God created all of us the same. We all are his children. I thought so should know that” When she finished, I said to her Thank you, and your life matters too. We all are God’s Children.

It took courage for her to stop me and say something like that. I know it came from her heart.

My heart is heavy. There is so much going on in the U.S and around the world. People are rioting, stealing, and destroying property in the name of George Floyd. They are using this man’s death as an excuse to be destructive. I understand protesting; the people need to have their voices heard.

I do not understand the violence. Why are people burning down businesses, looting, or even taunting the police? Why are you destroying and stealing from your community? Where is the logic? We have lost so many lives due to violence.

Racism is a major problem we have dealt with for generations. We can not fight violence with violence. We will never solve anything as long as people are feeding and fueling the violence.

We are still in the middle of a pandemic. Please wear your masks and gloves while protesting. We do not need to add more deaths to the count already.

What is going on in this world today? Are we living in the last days?❔❓❔❓❔🕕🕕

We experience a magnitude of devastation events around the world recently. Every time you turn on the television there always something going on like wildfires, hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunami, earthquakes, mass shootings, police shootings, and a worldwide pandemic.

Some people are starting to question whether we are living in the last days? 

We all endure the pain and suffering. You begin to weep, your chest feels like it’s burning, and your heart feels so heavy. We start to become speechless. It’s hard to be transparent when the issues are transcending our understanding. The more you try to comprehend, the more elusive these situations are. 

Will we ever see a world without violence, pain, sickness, destruction, and death? Some people yearned to see the day when we can smile in a peaceful world

(Revelation 22:1-3).

 

Regardless of your religious belief, we all deep down look forward to the day when Jesus will come and end this world’s system of things

 (Revelation 11:15).

We need to start loving one another intensity from the heart 

(1 Peter 1:22, John 13:34,35). Now more than ever, we need to learn how to be a peacemaker, even if the other person has done us wrong

(Matthew 5:23,24).

We need to learn how not to hate and continuously forgive our brothers

(1 John 4:20, Colossians 3:12-14, Ephesians 4:32, 5:2).

When the world becomes too boisterous, you can always turn to Jehovah our God for peace and tranquility.

©Pain Bug 2020

2020…. Part 2

Photo by Evie Shaffer on Pexels.com

We are only halfway through the year 2020.
In the last five months, it seems like an entire year has passed by.
To date, 2020 included events such as fires, floods, earthquakes, mass shootings, massive deaths and, a major pandemic.

In 2020 we have lost more lives then the world trade center attacks, the mass shootings, hurricanes, and tornadoes.

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Public Mass-shooting Risk | IHS Markit
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2020 is the year when technology was the only resource available to communicate with the world.

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2020 is the year we seen politics true colors.

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2020 is the year the President of the United States told us to ingest cleaning solutions to cure the COVID-19 virus(“He said he was being Sarcastic toward the media”).

2020 is the year the United States was represented by COVID-19 case colors on a map.

2020 is the year people started drawing closer, to Jehovah our GOD.

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2020 is the year more people will rely on their faith to cope through this pandemic.

Photo by Garon Piceli on Pexels.com

2020 is the year when I started using my common sense and started following my heart.

© Pain Bug 2020

Title-less…

I was so precious. I was unique and beautiful. I was innocent and pure. I was gullible and vulnerable. I was violated. 

 I was a child.

I was so alone. I was so confused and lost. I was scared. 

 I was robbed of my childhood. 

You berated and belittle me constantly. You beat me and you neglected me. You abandoned me and left me to defend myself. 

Most of all you hated me. 

I looked to you for protection. I looked to you for help. I looked for you to save me.

 I look for you to love me.

 You gave me away like a piece of candy. You threw me to the wolves. You made me disappear. You remove the thought of me from your memory.

 You killed me.

The new me surfaced and the old me was me cremated. The new me started achieving everything the old me was denied. The new me is stronger and tougher. The new me is bold and fierce. The new me is a warrior. The new me doesn’t look or yearn for you anymore. The new me shields my heart from you.

 The new me forgives you for all the wrong you have done to me.

As I write this, I shed tears down my face. I cried not because of the pain, sorrow, shame, or the feeling of being let down by you. 

I shed tears because I am happy

Jehovah has blessed me with love and life 1 John 4:19. He shields me with faith, hope, and love. He feeds my soul Matthew 5:3

©Pain Bug 2020

Am I who they say I am?🧐👀👁👀

They say I will never amount to anything in life.
They say I am the spawn who walks the earth.
They say I will ruin everything I touch.
They say one look at me will scar you for life.
They say no one will ever like me.
They say I am ugly.
They say I should just crawl in a corner and dissolve away.

I say to them look closely in the mirror. I am just a reflection looking back at you.

44 Impressive Examples of Reflection Photography | The JotForm Blog
Photo Credit: JotForm

©Pain bug 2020

Living everyday with chronic pain

This is my first time so please bear with me.  Here is my story the short version. I was born with a fatty tumor in my lower back. It looked like I had a little monkey tail. When I was two years old they surgical cut it down.  The site was an ugly puff scar. Somehow I remember them performing the surgery and seeing them cutting the tumor. I don’t recall having any problems as I was growing up. Fast forward thirty plus years. Not willing to reveal my age just yet.  The last 10 years has been nothing but problems with my lower back. One day I experience being paralyzed from the waist down only last a couple of hours. We went to several doctors and to no avail. Finally, a chiropractor decided to do an MRI and discover the tumor was back, but it was benign.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as the cause of all my pain. Due to all the medication, I was taking the excessive weight gain helped play a part in my pain.

The last decade has been very painfully for me. Recently I started experiencing new symptoms. In 2014, things started getting weird for me. I would get out the bed and just fall to the floor. As soon as I would take the first step off of the bed it was like my foot would never touch the ground.  My husband thought I was falling on purpose. One day my right leg was hurt really bad and couldn’t move. The next time I was getting up from the couch and just fell back. This happened more frequently on daily basis. I started wetting myself numerous times during the day.

I was diagnosed with having a tumor attached to my spinal cord. The tumor was pulling my spinal cord down to my tailbone.  My symptoms were getting worse. I needed to have surgery. A detethering of the spinal cord would release the tumor.   I had surgery with an outcome of partially paralyzed on the lower left leg. I have full control of three toes. The rest of my foot I am not able to feel. The knee can’t tell when it’s getting weak and there is no feeling between the knee and ankle. I  am a major fall risk. My ankles hurt all the time. I am having a difficult time with keeping a job. Some days the pain is bad I just want to sleep all day. There are days I just sleep in.

Now I am learning the weather plays a key role in my pain. I have been told there is no medication they can prescribe to me. I don’t sleep well at night. My bedtime is normally around 3 am. I haven’t  mentioned, I have to take muscle relaxers to go to sleep every night.