Who am I and Why I am here

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I am still learning about myself. I am a 40 “plus shipping and handling” something-year-old married with children. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia over 10+ years ago. In the last two years, I was also diagnosed with spinal cord injury, chronic pain, and severe nerve damage and some mental issues as well. Pain is not a stranger to me, but the complications are a huge part of my life now. My life has always been with problems from childhood to adulthood. I have conquered many obstacles people should never have to go through.

Recently I’ve been trying different outlets to help cope with my issues at hand.  Writing is a new outlet for me so here I am to step out on faith and share my thoughts and experiences with the world. I have learned there are so many people in the world who share the same issues as myself.  I hope this can help someone else who may be feeling like there is no way out of this crazy tunnel.

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Welcome to my world!!!!!

Dear John letter…Take Care

I let pain control my life for the last two and a half years. I am so done with nerve damage, Fibromyalgia, and chronic pain. Not to mention the other mental health problems you begin to develop over time. I am done with my red seat walker, my blue speed cane, and finally my trusty AFO leg piece. It has been a long journey for us throughout the years. You all have been there for me when I needed you all the most. I am sorry. I have never been the type of person to overstay my welcome. I don’t want to continue this relationship any longer. I believe it is time for us to go our separate ways. I don’t want to sound like I am picking between the three of you, but I still need one of you to help me a little while longer, please. I will discuss this matter with the one I need.

Now I have other matters to deal with. Pain, when are you leaving you have overstayed your welcome to the point I can’t stand you. You have caused me so much grief in past and yet you have not let up your pressure. You have taken away my freedom, my security, my self-confidence, and my self-esteem. I can’t believe I allow you to belittle me the way you have. You are my weakness. The relationship has been very abusive and mentally draining. You made sure I was aware you were around every single moment of the day and night. You are very jealous of me being happy and productive. To top things off you had invited over friends to help make me miserable.

I have given you too much of my precious time. Now it is time for you to go find another hobby to focus all your time and energy on. Right now, I want you to take your friends and leave me alone. There is no room for negotiations just get your bags and start stepping out the door. Please, no need to look back to see if I am looking, because I already started a departure party on your behalf.

P.S

XOXO🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🚫🚫🚫

Life is to short.

via Daily Prompt: Laughter

We walk around as if we have plenty of time to get things done. We focus on the wrong things such as money, cars, clothes, and all materials things that are meaningless. We all have to add laughter to our daily routines. Sometimes we have to make ourselves laugh just to get through the moment. Enjoying happiness is priceless it doesn’t require anything from you except laughter. Enjoy life while you can

Living everyday with chronic pain

This is my first time so please bear with me.  Here is my story the short version. I was born with a fatty tumor in my lower back. It looked like I had a little monkey tail. When I was two years old they surgical cut it down.  The site was an ugly puff scar. Somehow I remember them performing the surgery and seeing them cutting the tumor. I don’t recall having any problems as I was growing up. Fast forward thirty plus years. Not willing to reveal my age just yet.  The last 10 years has been nothing but problems with my lower back. One day I experience being paralyzed from the waist down only last a couple of hours. We went to several doctors and to no avail. Finally, a chiropractor decided to do an MRI and discover the tumor was back, but it was benign.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as the cause of all my pain. Due to all the medication, I was taking the excessive weight gain helped play a part in my pain.

The last decade has been very painfully for me. Recently I started experiencing new symptoms. In 2014, things started getting weird for me. I would get out the bed and just fall to the floor. As soon as I would take the first step off of the bed it was like my foot would never touch the ground.  My husband thought I was falling on purpose. One day my right leg was hurt really bad and couldn’t move. The next time I was getting up from the couch and just fell back. This happened more frequently on daily basis. I started wetting myself numerous times during the day.

I was diagnosed with having a tumor attached to my spinal cord. The tumor was pulling my spinal cord down to my tailbone.  My symptoms were getting worse. I needed to have surgery. A detethering of the spinal cord would release the tumor.   I had surgery with an outcome of partially paralyzed on the lower left leg. I have full control of three toes. The rest of my foot I am not able to feel. The knee can’t tell when it’s getting weak and there is no feeling between the knee and ankle. I  am a major fall risk. My ankles hurt all the time. I am having a difficult time with keeping a job. Some days the pain is bad I just want to sleep all day. There are days I just sleep in.

Now I am learning the weather plays a key role in my pain. I have been told there is no medication they can prescribe to me. I don’t sleep well at night. My bedtime is normally around 3 am. I haven’t  mentioned, I have to take muscle relaxers to go to sleep every night.