My up and down days

By Painbug

As an emotional roller coaster my days are filled with mixed emotions. I can get out the bed feeling good and happy ,but the moment I come into contact with other people its like a different personality comes to light. I become silent and don’t care to be bother with anyone. In some cases just as quick as I was eager to leave the house; is as faster as I want to get back home. My home seems to be my security blanket. It is hard to be around people when you are constantly in pain. I feel I’m on the edge and don’t have control over anything. Sometimes I feel lost with no direction or purpose at all.

I visited the idea of talking to a professional that didn’t help much especially since they was always rescheduling my appointments. Eventually I gave up on that idea. Talking to family members really doesn’t help. I always feel they are judging me for one thing or another. I started finding my own ways of coping with my life. The less people I am around the more helpful it is. I now have a limited amount of people I come into contact with in general. I try to stay away from family to much drama I can’t deal with. I became my own cheer-leader and coach to help me through everyday. Music seems to be helping, writing, not to mention my husband and children as well. Traveling helps a lot too except I had to change my views on this idea. Meditation helps during those times when getting out the bed is not a option.

This summer I decided to work on me. I diverted all my attention to focusing on myself still a working process. Sometimes you have to disconnect from the world to prepare yourself for the world.

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Here is something I wrote right after 9/11 one of the saddest day in history

Here it is couple of days later.

We still feel the hurtful pain that leaves a huge hole in everyone heart.

Every voice you hear is asking why?

Why was this evil put upon us?

Why so many people had to die?

Why would a person bring himself to perform an act like this?

Why do we have to feel this pain?

Every face you see wonders how?

How could we as human beings go about our normal life?

How do you explain the sorrowfulness you feel inside?

How could this person feel so shameless?

Who was behind this evil?

Who would want to destroy this place we call home?

Who would want us to feel this was our fault?

Who would want us to feel there is no hope?

Finally the question left in everyone’s mind is What?

What can we do?

What can we do as a country to make this a better place again?

As you can see these are the questions that are being asked.

No one can fully answer these questions yet.

We the people of the United States of America

Know this day will go down in history as the most painful day in America.

The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away

Therefore, the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment., Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous”. Amen

( The book of psalms chapter 1, verse 4 and 5).

God Bless America

Unfortunately, here it is 18 years later there has been numerous incidence with loss of life at the hands of evil people. May God have mercy for this planet.

By: Painbug©2019

Have you ever felt this way before?

One day you are on top of the world

The next day you’re beneath the earth

One day you have everything going for you

The next day everything was taking from you

One day you have the biggest smile on your face

The next day that biggest smile is a frown

One day you’re the richest person

The next day you’re the most pitiful person alive

One day your family member is there for you

The next day their not around

One day you’re happily married

The next day you are sadly divorce

One day you have the highest hopes

The next day you have lost all hope

What I have learned is you can only take one day at a time

You can only deal with what life hands you one day at a time

All we can do is Make the Best of it one day at a time

Painbug©2019

Why Life?🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Why is it life always find a way to throw you for a loop? It seems when you finally have figure out things here comes another problem. Problem after problem hill after hill to constantly climb to reach the top. The emotion and physical roller coaster is draining the very life from you. Will the sorrow and the pain ever end? Can I live a happy ever after life like the characters on TV or is it just the way my life is setup?

Life is full of lessons to be learn. We can only take it one day at a time. Today maybe good day and tomorrow could be horrible, the one thing for certain is everyday is a new day with endless possibilities. All we can do is accept the things we can change and let go of the things we can not change.

I am a walking emotion wreck but its my life. I can control my feelings, and some times I can control my emotions. I can’t control the pain ,but I can fight like hell so it won’t take over my life.

My life is a Work In Progress with tape and all

© By Painbug ©2019

Parent’s Job is never done!!!

Here it is Mother’s Day and we spending the day moving our daughter from one college dorm to another. Sounds simple right? Not at all. Our day started at 4:30 am we drove for about four hours. We arrive to a dorm that is pack with stuff. How does one accumulate so much stuff in a small confined area? Well I see this isn’t going to be fast and quick like our daughter promise. I had the pleasure of stuff sitting her stuff for one hour and half in a parking garage.