Living with pain, Life Journey, Personal development
Author: Pain Bug
I am 30+ year old married with 6 children. They are all grown except one and she reminds us every day she is the baby. We love to travel. I am a spontaneous spur of the moment person.
I created this blog as an outlet to express my emotions. We all need an outlet to help us cope with chronic pain and mental health.
I agreed to try the spinal cord stimulator trial for seven days. The day of the procedure wasn’t as bad. I had to be awake for the surgery. The surgery took place in the provider’s office. As usual, I felt fine until I went to the back. My anxiety was off the chain. I had second thoughts. I was trying to find any reason to get up and leave. My husband came with me for support. The nurse came and explained some things about the procedure. Another nurse came in and asked my husband to wait outside until the surgery was complete. Once he left I, asked the nurse who was setting up to insert an IV. I asked her if she was a good poker? They are only allowed to stick me twice. She assured me she was the best. Guess what she poked me, and she blew the vein. Seeing I was serious, she got two other nurses. The first thing they ask. Where is your husband? They went and got him and told him to stay with me until they moved me to the surgery room. The next day the medicine wore off. My back was sore and stiff. At first, it felt like a monkey was on my back. I was able to change the stimulator via remote. They called every day to see if the stimulator was working. The only issue I had was the tape was pulling the wires and my skin every time I moved. For the most part, the trial was a success. Hopefully, they will come up with a better way to secure the wires during the trial.
My mine is racing I need it to take a pause. There not enough hours in the day to complete the things I want to do. I have neglect my writing. It has been replace with arts and craft. I learned how to do so much. My mind is at peace when I am doing crafting. I am thinking about starting to sell what I make. It seems the outside world has gone crazy. It’s hard to stay safe out here. The best think for me to do is stay to myself.
Today I woke up wanting to punch today in the face. By the time lunch came, I was ready to shoot today. Now its the end of the day and I am on cloud 20 singing happy happy joy joy 🤫🤫😉 The struggle is real!!
2020 is the year when everything changed for me. The things I was used to doing no longer interest me. I started working on projects that I would’ve never done. I had a lot of alone time to focus on myself. I begin to invest in things that would benefit myself and my family. I learn how to sew. It became a hobby sewing random things. I started out making face masks with filters, satin pillowcases, and hair wraps. There were a lot of damaged materials and designs that went into the trash. However, the more I practice, the more proficient I became. I have watched so many youtube videos I could have made one myself.
I started challenging myself with complicated projects. Whenever I was in a dark place mentally, I would start sewing something. Eventually had to step away and find something else to do with my time. When 2021 came in, I started to wonder. Why are we spending so much money on things that do not fully represent our personality? My creative mind came into play. I had this idea but hesitated to spend the money on it. After a month of procrastinating, I purchase the required materials needed. I started to make paper flowers and design vases. I do not care for flowers. They draw bugs and do not last more than a few days to a week. They pretty and expensive, but do not last long. So I felt why not create something that is inexpensive and will last long. I do not celebrate holidays. I had to think of a reason for giving flowers as a gift. We all heard the saying, ” Give me flowers while I am living, not when I am dead.” It became my mission to give my closest friends and family their flowers now. I learned I am not consistent with designs, but it just means each design is unique. I ended up making my first sale. My friend asked me to make one for her mother. It was my pleasure to create something that was from the heart.
I like to start a small business making arts and crafts. 2020-2021 has brought out some hidden talents. It has taught me a few techniques to deal with my anxiety and stress. This world has become more stressful than most people can handle. I learned if you have faith, you can overcome anything this world throws at you. Wake up every day with a smile on your face. Thank God and be happy. Let the stress of the world stay in the world.
My Friday was like every other day the last six weeks. What can I do today? I recently started some new projects to occupy my mind during the day. I went back to making crafts. I really enjoy arts and Crafts when I was younger. Life has a way of taking your attention off of things you liked. Since 2020, I have been tuning into a part of me which was buried. I have reunited with one of my old personalities. She has been quietly tuck away in the back. She resurfaced when life slowed me down. I always knew there were different personalities being displayed in different periods of my life.
This person is more lay back, loving, eager, spiritual, and just don’t care about what people think or have to say about her. I guess she shields me from this world and its craziness. She also rely on God and his son the Christ Jesus for spiritual love and hope.
She doesn’t mind being in her own world, because it’s quite and peaceful. She is the peace maker between us. She is very slow to anger and quick to act. She believes actions speak louder than words. She accepts things for what they really are, and learns how to maneuver around them. She also believes we all need to enjoy the little things in life.
You came like a thief in the night. In a blink of an eye, you stole all my possessions, my fight, my strength, and my control. You left me with sorrow, stress, pain, low self-esteem, and self-pity. When the clouds dissipated the next day, I heard a voice it said to me: smile, shout, and rejoice for what has been stolen will be replaced ten times over. You are never alone if you walk with me.
Shake off that old skin and show them how relentless you are. Show them through your actions; your spirit will not be broken, no matter how hard they try.
2020 stop me in my tracks. The things I am used to are no longer available. Like all the other businesses, my business journey was cut short. It was a two-year-long process that ended In a few short days. It was a sad moment, but then the sun came out. I had to pivot my thoughts. The main thing about an entrepreneur’s mind is always thinking. When one door closes, we start working on two more doors.
In 2019, I leaped into something new to me, so I thought. In 2020 I was able to focus more time on this project. By late 2020, I completed the PMP and CAPM courses. I am gearing up to take the PMI’s certification exams for both professions. In 2020, I learned how to sew. Not only did I want to learn how to sew, but I wanted to master sewing. My first project was learning how to sew face masks. Well, my face mask comes with build-in filters, nose wire, and four layers of cloth. The face mask can adjust to different face sizes. Then started making king-size silk pillows case.
The year 2021, has arrived and I have another challenge to face. The surgery left me with one good working arm. My right arm is incapacitated; for at least six weeks. How in the world would I survive this? As usual, my mind is always thinking. I decided to try this idea and make homemade flower vases. However, these vases are not just any flowers. These vases are full of unique colors, arrange paper flowers.
Even though I have limitations my minds still try to work.
The year is just getting started lets see what I will try next.