My up and down days

By Painbug

As an emotional roller coaster my days are filled with mixed emotions. I can get out the bed feeling good and happy ,but the moment I come into contact with other people its like a different personality comes to light. I become silent and don’t care to be bother with anyone. In some cases just as quick as I was eager to leave the house; is as faster as I want to get back home. My home seems to be my security blanket. It is hard to be around people when you are constantly in pain. I feel I’m on the edge and don’t have control over anything. Sometimes I feel lost with no direction or purpose at all.

I visited the idea of talking to a professional that didn’t help much especially since they was always rescheduling my appointments. Eventually I gave up on that idea. Talking to family members really doesn’t help. I always feel they are judging me for one thing or another. I started finding my own ways of coping with my life. The less people I am around the more helpful it is. I now have a limited amount of people I come into contact with in general. I try to stay away from family to much drama I can’t deal with. I became my own cheer-leader and coach to help me through everyday. Music seems to be helping, writing, not to mention my husband and children as well. Traveling helps a lot too except I had to change my views on this idea. Meditation helps during those times when getting out the bed is not a option.

This summer I decided to work on me. I diverted all my attention to focusing on myself still a working process. Sometimes you have to disconnect from the world to prepare yourself for the world.

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Pain Bug

I am 30+ years old married with 6 children. They are all grown except two and my youngest one reminds us every day she is the baby. We love to travel the east coast. We soon hope to travel the west coast of the U.S. I am very spontaneous spur of the moment person.

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